“Are you ready?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you scared?”
“Yeah. You?”
“Fucking Shitless.”
“One more drink?”
“No. We need to get moving. If we put it off any longer we’ll be too late, it’s almost dusk now. Have you got the stake?”
“Yeah.”
“Mallet?”
“Right here.”
“Where’s the holy water?”
“In my pocket. Stop fussing.”
“I’m not fucking fussing. I just want to make sure we’ve got everything.”
“We’ve got everything. Get in the car and drive…and kill the headlights as we approach the house. We don’t want to announce our arrival. And go slow, don’t want too much engine noise.”
“Do you wanna drive?”
“Just go.”
* * *
“Park here, we’ll walk the rest of the way.”
“Are you fucking kidding? There’s still a way to go yet.”
“I just don’t want to announce our arrival. It’s all in the element of surprise.”
“Fuck the fucking element of surprise, have you seen how dark it is out there? All those trees?”
“Just stop fussing and get out the car.”
“Jesus. I don’t know why I let you talk me into this.”
“Yes you do. You were freaking out as much as me…wondering if it was your window she’d come scratching at next.”
“Humph. Come on then, let’s get this horror movie on the road.”
* * *
“Sssssshh!”
“I can’t help it, the window’s stuck. I’ll have to try and break the glass.”
“There goes our element of fucking surprise then. If that’s not an announcement I don’t know what is.”
“Quit griping. Pass the stake through. And the mallet. Watch your hands on the broken glass.”
“Yes boss. Ouch! Help me through, I’m bigger than you.”
“Watch the broken glass I said. If you cut yourself she’ll smell the blood a mile off.”
“Jesus in a fucking side car!”
“And keep your voice low. Here you carry the mallet, I’ll take the stake. Now come on, the moon’s almost up. I knew we shouldn’t have spent so much time in the frigging pub.”
“Hey! Wait for me! This is freaking my nerves out, I can’t see fuck all in the dark. Slow down!”
“Sssssshh.”
“Stop fucking shhing me. I’m shitting my pants!”
“What was that?”
“Huh?”
“I heard something?
“This is really freaking me out.”
“Ssssh. There it is again. Did you hear it?”
“………………”
“Pete?”
“……………….”
“Pete. Stop arsing about, you’re giving me the heebie jeebies.”
“…………….”
“AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!”

THE END?

Happy Birth Day Freddie!

In the aftermath of the Japanese disaster a little ray of sunshine has broken through; my japanese daughter-in-law has given birth to my first grandchild. Freddie Jyo arrived in the world yesterday at noon, weighing in at 7lbs 6oz, and what a little cutie he is - although I may be a tad bias. Little Freddie has thick black hair, beautiful almond-shaped eyes and my son's nose and mouth. A real anglo-oriental mixture!

Well done Bill & Nao!

Spare a thought for Japan.

Having a Japanese daughter-in-law I felt real shock and disbelief at the footage of the disaster in Japan.

Nao's parents live in Tokyo - 200 miles from the region the earthquake hit - but even so strong tremors shook their city and their house suffered slight damage. How frightening must it have been. I am amazed by how calm the Japanese are, taking this catastrophe in their stride; they are a stronger race than we English.

Watching the TV coverage it made me realise how fragile the human race is, no more significant than ants upon this earth, as easy to wash away as insects after a heavy rainfall. When mother nature wants to hit us, she hits us hard.

My thoughts and prayers are with those in Japan.

Books, Books, Books......

Here in the UK we've been celebrating the wonder of books.

March 3rd was World Book Day, at school I organised a Hogwart's dressing-up day: staff and children could come dressed as their favourite Harry Potter character for the day. I chose to be Rita Skeeter, the journalist for The Daily Prophet.

Friday was National Book Night. A million books comprising of 25 different titles by best-selling authors were given away for free. I managed to get my hands on a copy of CJ Sansom's Dissolution, which I've yet to read. Couldn't miss out on the offer of a free book!

For the past couple of weeks there has been a daily programme running each evening. Presenter Anne Robinson has been asking various celebrities to name their favourite five books, including one from their childhood, one they think everyone should read, and a guilty pleasure.

Here are my five:

Childhood favourite ~ Now We Are Six by A A Milne. This is a collection of wonderful poems that appeal to children of all ages. My mum read it to me, I read it to my children. And now I read it to the children at the school where I teach. I know most of the poems by heart.

Everyone should read ~ Shantaram by Gregory Davis Roberts. I have mentioned this book before on my blog, and I really do urge you to read it if you haven't already. It's based on the true story of a criminal who escapes from an Australian prison and ends up in India. During his eight years there he lives in the Indian slums of Mombai, sets up a free health clinic for the homeless,and joins the Indian mafia. It is a fantastic, well-written, read, and is one of those books that really does make you look at life with different eyes. Read it!!

Often read book ~ Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. I first read this novel when studying English at school. I loved it then, I love it still. I must have read it at least five times and see something new in it each time.

Favourite book ~ It by Stephen King. King is my favourite genre writer, and this still by far my favourite of his books.

My Guilty Pleasure ~ Burlesque/Fetish by Dita Von Teese. 'nuff said!


...so yours?

eBlog

Those of you that visit my blog on a regular basis will know just how illiterate I am when it comes to modern technology ~ so I've surprised even myself by making my blog available to be viewed on a Kindle. I read an article in the Writers Forum magazine on just how to set it all up and I followed this guideline to the letter; I couldn't believe just how easy it was.

So if you own a Kindle (I don't), take a look and tell me what it's like.