“Are you ready?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you scared?”
“Yeah. You?”
“Fucking Shitless.”
“One more drink?”
“No. We need to get moving. If we put it off any longer we’ll be too late, it’s almost dusk now. Have you got the stake?”
“Yeah.”
“Mallet?”
“Right here.”
“Where’s the holy water?”
“In my pocket. Stop fussing.”
“I’m not fucking fussing. I just want to make sure we’ve got everything.”
“We’ve got everything. Get in the car and drive…and kill the headlights as we approach the house. We don’t want to announce our arrival. And go slow, don’t want too much engine noise.”
“Do you wanna drive?”
“Just go.”
* * *
“Park here, we’ll walk the rest of the way.”
“Are you fucking kidding? There’s still a way to go yet.”
“I just don’t want to announce our arrival. It’s all in the element of surprise.”
“Fuck the fucking element of surprise, have you seen how dark it is out there? All those trees?”
“Just stop fussing and get out the car.”
“Jesus. I don’t know why I let you talk me into this.”
“Yes you do. You were freaking out as much as me…wondering if it was your window she’d come scratching at next.”
“Humph. Come on then, let’s get this horror movie on the road.”
* * *
“Sssssshh!”
“I can’t help it, the window’s stuck. I’ll have to try and break the glass.”
“There goes our element of fucking surprise then. If that’s not an announcement I don’t know what is.”
“Quit griping. Pass the stake through. And the mallet. Watch your hands on the broken glass.”
“Yes boss. Ouch! Help me through, I’m bigger than you.”
“Watch the broken glass I said. If you cut yourself she’ll smell the blood a mile off.”
“Jesus in a fucking side car!”
“And keep your voice low. Here you carry the mallet, I’ll take the stake. Now come on, the moon’s almost up. I knew we shouldn’t have spent so much time in the frigging pub.”
“Hey! Wait for me! This is freaking my nerves out, I can’t see fuck all in the dark. Slow down!”
“Sssssshh.”
“Stop fucking shhing me. I’m shitting my pants!”
“What was that?”
“Huh?”
“I heard something?
“This is really freaking me out.”
“Ssssh. There it is again. Did you hear it?”
“………………”
“Pete?”
“……………….”
“Pete. Stop arsing about, you’re giving me the heebie jeebies.”
“…………….”
“AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!”

THE END?